The rewards of professionalism are endless...
I hesitate to post this, only because I don’t want to seem like a kill-joy, stuffy, or full of myself. I assure you that’s not the spirit in which I write it. But, I just want to remind people in music and other fields to remember that keeping things professional always bears better fruit than taking liberties.
Now, I’m guilty, I’ve joked around, I compliment handsomeness, bat the eye-lashes, all that. I have guy models who are friends, I notice attractive rocker dudes, etc… But, lately I’ve been experiencing and hearing more and more (from other female vocalists or emcees) saddening stuff regarding the liberties that are being taken that really cause heartache and de-rail even the most simple of tasks. Ones that are much deeper and intrusive than flirting or compliments. Ones that leave you feeling “gross”. (I was super offended recently, so I do apologize for the harshness of the following. It’s still “fresh”).
I can’t control the world, but, I can declare here, on my own blog..that if you come at me crazy, inappropriately, or presumptively, I will embarrass you. You will see the “nice Jenny” very quickly turn into a G.I. Jane of sorts, and I WILL hurt your feelings. Ah, that felt nice to say.
I’ve been extremely blessed in most of my studio experiences. Especially in the Hip Hop realm I’ve long been surrounded by protective, big-brother type young men who pleasantly surprise me with their professionalism, despite their lyrics. (I’m just being real..Not trying to be mean, but, the lyrics would lead you to believe that there is NO respect of females going on at all). In the past, I’ve taken great pride in not judging. I love people, and all people are speaking from their current mind-set and experiences. But, I need to be clear. I don’t endorse certain lyrics, even though I don’t judge while acknowledging someone’s talent. I’ve had no problem working with people who have different lyrics than mine, for a long time. But, lately I’ve been disappointed…. no… down right disgusted at what I’ve seen. In all genres. So… some rules to keep in mind when it comes to me are the following:
- If you EVER offer to send me a picture of ANYTHING, it BETTER be an SSL Board, cool vintage guitar, The Empire State Building, etc… Anything else I will be thoroughly disgusted by. Don’t even offer me a face picture… Again, I will hurt your feelings. If I want a picture of your face, I will be dating you and I will ASK for one. I don’t date based on physicality. I won’t see something and be like “OH MY GOSH I have to date this person!” I date based on a deep connect and strong feeling that I may have a future with someone. I don’t care how fast the rest of the world uploads their private ”matters” on sexually lonely people sites…It’s garbagey of you to assume that everyone else is of that mindset.
- Don’t ask me out on a date, unless I’ve batted my eyelashes at least ten times or mentioned I’m single. LOL. (There are other determining factors here, but, I won’t turn this into an in-depth look at religions and values.)
- Don’t indicate that you’d like to be intimate with me. That’s not a compliment. There are all kinds of women around that are worthy of lust. I used be flattered by that. But, the world wasn’t as gross back then, and conversations didn’t spiral downward so fast.
- Don’t ask me out if you’re married. Sad that this rule has to be here, isn’t it? But, there are many married men out there who aren’t as famous as Tiger Woods and simply hide that vital piece of information. Lie to hide it. Work HARD to hide it. Bend over BACKWARDS to hide it. Get their FRIENDS to hide it. And saying “The mother of my children still wants to be with me” is NOT a sufficient answer for declaring you’re married when asked by people. In total respect and kindness I will tell you… Guys, when you do this you are not only making the girl you are dating look horrible, like she’s “ok” with something she’s not, you open her up for many other married onlookers trying to follow-suit, putting her in danger. [Thinking she was ok with such a thing]. You are not only hurting your REAL woman, your wife, but are also leaving a trail of hurt feelings and false assumptions behind you about the other ones.
- Don’t flirt or ask me out, even if you claim your marriage openly. Now THIS one I just encountered in the past couple days. WOW. Now, guys aren’t even hiding it and expect you to bond, converse about nothing, and do biz dinners alone and stuff!!! Not happening. (I don’t want to offend anyone. I’m not talking about the appropriate acting married guys with integrity. I’m talking about the ones who break their neck trying to flirt and start something, even after being told by a girl to STOP joking around). And why are married men asking what women think of their looks lately? Don’t ask me that, I won’t answer. Ask your sister, aunt, mamma, if you want a female opinion other than your wife’s. And DON’T tell me you are attracted to me. For WHAT? I’m sure you are attracted to a lot of girls throughout any given day, why must you tell a girl and make her feel creepy? Regarding those pushy rude ones, I’m letting you know now, I will ask your wife’s name in a slick, sly way and I’ll contact her to inform her of your unfortunate symptoms of amnesia regarding the children she carried and vows you took. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE THE ONE REMINDING YOU OF YOUR VOWS. I didn’t make them. I’ll help you out and tell wifey, …..she’ll remind you.
- Don’t EVER, EVER make assumptions and try to get intimate with me based on hearing I’ve dated a “bad-boy” in the past. Firstly, you are assuming that this “bad boy” relayed the relationship accurately, with no embellishments and “wanna be pimp” ish… which is RARE. Most “bad boys” leave out all the romance, relentless “game”, months of friendship, “I love you’s”, even spittin scripture, and just add their own fictitious garbage. You should ask yourself why someone is even telling you they dated me, or details, like a little high-school student, instead of a grown man. That’s always suspect. Nobody has ever gotten close to me without approaching me with consistant class and dignity, as well as being my boyfriend, regardless of how they paint it, or what their “reputation” is. Like I said, I date based on a unique intrigue or mental, spiritual connection, not looks or wanting a certain “type”. Assuming that a girl would want you simply because she dated a “bad-boy” in your genre or click, is as dumb as assuming that J-Lo wants a million ”Puffies” just because she dated one. Get over yourself. I don’t care if I dated “Lil’ Wayne”, you don’t change how you approach me based on that, because I assure you there would be a reason for it, that has nothing to do with you.
Oh man… In my fury I did sound arrogant. I’m sorry. I’m honestly not full of myself. An Amy Winehouse song had me in tears earlier this morning, so perhaps I’m just hormonal. lol. Regardless, the above remains true. It will avoid problems for all of us, men and women, to declare where we stand. (As this is NOT just a girl problem, it happens to guys too. Many women assume all men want them and get “too close” for comfort).
I just want to make music. Much honor and respect goes out to the 99.9% of musicians I work with who are totally pro. I appreciate you treating me like a SISTER, with clean communication and respect. You are AWESOME. And for the other teenie tiny percentage, I’m not angry or hateful. Everyone loves compliments, so that’s fine… But, not everyone loves smut, graphic talk, or an entitled attitude. 
-Jen
